I wish I only lived at night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize