Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
