I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
