where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
