Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
