another moral hangover. fuck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
