I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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