my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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