I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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