Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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