God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
