Moan for me like Helen Keller
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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