brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
