I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So much rum. So many feels.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
