so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
