so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
