It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Actions speak louder than pants.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
