Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
