just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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