She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
