dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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