Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
