she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
