i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
