I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
