lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
