Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
nutella sex= disaster
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
