fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He shit in the fireplace
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
