Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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