I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
