he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
it glows. i had to have it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
