no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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