tell your sister to shave her snatch
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
