I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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