You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
