this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
