I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
