she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
