I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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