Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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