Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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