fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
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She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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