so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
did i walk over a car last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Enjoy the penises
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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