HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
