I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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