He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
