Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
