dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
