He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
