hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
