I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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