I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
try to milk me bitch
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