Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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