she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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