Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
try to milk me bitch
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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