I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
