he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
