she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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