Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
